Congratulations, big dog. You’ve scored your crush. You’re dating! Whether you’re a new boyfriend or girlfriend, each time you date someone new it’s a whole new ballgame. There are some key things you need to focus on, though, if you want to be successful. Wondering what to do when you’re dating someone? Here are 7 things you need to know to keep that spark alive and growing.
1. Figure out your communication style.
Communication style is the steering wheel of every relationship. Bad communication is like letting go of the wheel or jolting it suddenly to one side. Crash. Bye-bye. Good communication, on the other hand, is two hands on the wheel and both eyes on the road. Success.
Are you someone who loves long and deep conversations on the phone or at the end of the day or do you prefer quick texts throughout the day? Discuss this with your partner so you have set expectations of how and when you’ll communicate. Secondary to when you’ll communicate, you’ll also have to make sure you’re doing it effectively. No passive aggressiveness if you don’t like something. Yeah, I’m talking to you! We’ve all done it.
Be honest, open, and respectful, and all conversations will be productive. Get on the same page about communication and respect each other’s preferences. Remember that relationships are all about compromise.
2. Set your priorities — correctly.
The beginning of a relationship is exciting. It’s so exciting that the same parts of your brain light up as someone who is on drugs. Literally. The problem with this is that we treat new relationships as an addiction sometimes, putting that new boyfriend or girlfriend above every other thing in our lives. Listen, you should prioritize your person, I get that. But they shouldn’t be more important than your family, responsibilities, and job or studies. Remember who you are and what your goals are and make sure you’re still reaching for them before you go become a couch potato with your new boo. Leave the couch-love rotting for your weekends.
3. Don’t forget about your friends.
On that note, don’t forget about your friends either. This is a huge mistake that happens far too often. Your friends were there for you when you were just a thirsty scrub trying to land your current partner. They should still be there for you once you score your partner — and you should be there for them. I’m not saying your relationship won’t last forever, but I will share a story of my first love. I was head over heels but I never dumped my friends. And thank GOODNESS. Because one day that first love ended and I was a wreck. You know who I could still turn to? My besties. And they got me through it. Don’t forget your friends.
4. Balance fun dates with low-key nights.
You may be tempted to plan a bunch of exciting events every weekend with your new boo because you want to explore and enjoy and all the fun things. This is good to do, but not every time you two see each other. That will lead to burnout and then one day, when you run out of things to do or money to do it, you will find yourself at home feeling disappointed with a regular popcorn-and-movie-at-home date. Keep it balanced. Go out and have fun, but also know how to enjoy a chill night in together. Balance.
5. Keep putting your best foot forward.
The number of times I have watched a person or even a whole couple let themselves go just because they get into a relationship… Shaking. My. Head. We get too comfortable, and it’s a mistake. You shouldn’t be putting your best foot forward as a single person and then be lazy with the one person who selects and values you. It’s so backward! Do not underestimate the importance of always aiming to be your best self for your partner. Now, don’t get me wrong — we all have rough days and low points and we need to feel those and be open about them with our partner. But don’t be lazy. Put in the effort, not only into how you look and your health, but also in how you treat your new guy or gal. If you held the door open on your first date, keep holding it open on your tenth or twentieth. If you would surprise your boo with little snacks at the beginning, keep doing that six months in. After all, don’t they deserve your love all the time?
6. Embrace vulnerability.
In the beginning, it’s mostly fun and games. You and this person click so there’s physical chemistry and everything you talk about is fun and new. But, wait. What’s that lurking in the corner? Oh, hello trauma. And trauma’s cousin, baggage. They’re always hanging together. We all have a version of them somewhere.
Now that you’re officially dating — and if you haven’t crossed this line already — it’s time to start talking about all the icky stuff that affects where and who you are today. This is supposed to be your safe spot, your protecting person. Be open, nonjudgmental, and honest with them, and provide a safe space back for them to be vulnerable as well. This is one of the cornerstones of a solid and successful relationship.
7. Show appreciation.
If vulnerability is a cornerstone of a good relationship, appreciation is the whole ground floor. And the roof. And the front door. You need appreciation. There are social and psychological studies behind it. Showing that you appreciate your partner strengthens emotional bonds, reduces resentment, and encourages positive behaviors. Without it, relationships can grow stagnant or strained, leading to disconnection over time. So, how do you show appreciation? Words are big. Let them know, randomly and genuinely, why you love them and how they make you feel. Get them a thank-you card, treat, or flowers one day just to say “Thank you for being you.” Show the love and the love will grow, trust me.
Check out: How to know if you should date someone
Conclusion:
Now that you know what to do now that you’re dating someone, it’s time to go out there and do it! And, yes, you should do everything on this list. I mean, all it will do is make your relationship and your life better, so why wouldn’t you? Get after it!