I’m tired of the basic chitchat. I don’t want to know what you do for work or what you think about the weather or what your favorite movie is. I want to know what makes you tick, what frustrates you to no end, what motivates you to keep going, and what makes you, you. That’s why I’ve put together 10 questions to get to know someone deep and on another level. We’re quitting the surface-level chitchat and digging it.
1. What are some of the biggest lessons you’ve learned in life so far?
We’ve all learned a lot of lessons from the hard knocks of life, studious efforts, or watching others around us. This question really makes you think about what you’ve learned, why it’s important, and how it’s shaped your decisions. My answer to this question would be that I have learned that life is too precious to waste. This defines how I spend my free time, what I expect and accept out of my job, how I prioritize relationships and boundaries, and so much more. You can learn a lot from this one. What’s your answer? Drop it in the comments!
2. What’s your love language?
I’ve mentioned love languages in a couple of other videos, so if you haven’t learned about them already, I highly suggest you look into them for a few minutes. There are five love languages, and each person has a preferential order for receiving these languages. You may feel loved through words, actions, quality time, gifts, or physical touch. If you ask this question and the person doesn’t know how to answer, you can give them a couple of metaphorical situations to choose from.
For example, would you rather your partner buy you a thoughtful gift or do some of your household chores for you as a surprise? Knowing a person’s love language will allow you to be better to them either as a romantic partner or as a friend. By the way, my love language is likes and subscriptions on this channel, and I could really use some love today! Want to help me out?
3. What do you love to do?
This question has become my new go-to instead of asking, “What do you do?” If you’re tired of asking people what they do for a living as if this defines them, switch it up by instead asking what they love to do. Most people are pleasantly surprised by the question, spend a few seconds mulling it over, and answer with something that puts a smile on their faces. Learn about what lights them up and what they probably wish they were doing for work instead of their actual job.
4. What’s the most important relationship you have in your life right now and why?
There are four types of relationships; in fact, we even made a video about them! Asking this question about which relationship is key will shed a bit of light on what’s important to this person and their social circle. Most of the time, depending on age and situation, you’re going to get an answer that will range from a parent to a boyfriend or girlfriend to a best friend. Whoever this person is should get on your radar, especially if you want to stay in the good graces of the person you’re asking. My answer to this will almost always include my best friend Ashley, and you can bet your bottom dollar that you can only be cool with me if you’re cool with her!
5. Could you tell me about one of your favorite memories growing up?
This sweet little inquiry will shed some light on how this person grew up and what they will probably like to replicate in their own families as adults. You might hear about a cute family tradition, a lovely vacation with heartwarming memories, or a time they spent with someone special who may not be present anymore. If you’re looking for a cute future date idea with this person, this is a great place to start. One of my close friends always reminisces about the week of camping by a lake they would do as a kid, so it was no surprise to their friends when they got married, had kids of their own, and started repeating the tradition. We even went camping as a group of friends a few times. It’s awesome how these warm moments always stay so close to our hearts.
6. What’s something you’ve always wanted to learn?
Everyone has something that they’re interested in that they haven’t taken the plunge to pursue. It could be your childhood dream job, something way out of your field of work that seems cool, or a hobby, like music or painting, that you’ve never had the guts to try out 100%. When they tell you what it is, ask them why they haven’t tried it and, if it’s possible, ask them if they like to test it out with you. This would be an awesome bonding experience, and you could both try something new together.
Check out: 10 Things young people need to learn before it’s too late
7. What’s your idea of the perfect weekend?
Ah, a free Saturday. No responsibilities, no work commitments, no upcoming exams or deadlines. Their ideal day should reflect some of their core values and interests. Once, my boyfriend gifted me my ideal day as part of a birthday present. I had described what my perfect day consisted of and we did everything on the list. It was one of the best days I have ever spent with him and meant the world to me. The list included walking on the beach, spending some time reading, eating an interesting new cuisine together, and a few other things. It shouldn’t be such a surprise, then, that this aligns with four things that are important to me: exercise, being outdoors, self-improvement, and trying new things.
8. Are you a glass-half-full or glass-half-empty kind of person?
I’m going to let you in on a little secret; pessimists usually say that they are realists but when it comes to the glass-half-full or half-empty question, they’ll avoid the answer and usually won’t admit to being half-empty. Perspective is shaped by a lot of things, and most of them come from our upbringing and things that are out of our control, so this isn’t to make anyone feel bad about their way of thinking. However, it may shed some light as to how this person behaves and why so you can better understand their decisions.
9. What’s your biggest pet peeve and why does it bother you so much?
You don’t just want to learn about the butterflies and roses of this person, so dig a little into what bugs them, too. Pet peeves can say a lot about a person. If you hate people who interrupt, rudeness might be a huge turn-off for you. If messiness is the bane of your existence, it could reflect that you have a structured, type-A personality. Digging into pet peeves can shed light on more than just what someone finds to be icky.
10. What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received and how has it influenced your life?
Some may go deep for this answer, but others may answer something concrete for this, like saying sharks or tornadoes. If the latter is the case, you can try and get a deeper answer out of them. If they’re open to it, have them describe a situation in daily life that would be almost too much for them to bear. Once I heard someone say that they were most afraid of settling for less than they deserved, and I really felt that. Many of us have deeper fears that we don’t like to reconcile with, like illness, being alone, or failing. It’s what makes us human, after all. And it’s what makes you, you.
Check out: The relationship advice you didn’t know you needed
If you’re on a quest to get to know someone better, these 10 questions are a great place to start. If you can add any more to the list, feel free to drop them in the comments below. I always love to read them!