How To Fix An Unhealthy Relationship
Do you remember the beginning of your relationship? All of the butterflies, giggles, and excitement? This is called the honeymoon phase for a reason. While many relationships maintain their spark throughout the years, keeping a relationship strong and healthy requires a significant amount of work. Sometimes the relationship goes south and you both seem to clash way more than connect. Before you know it, your heart eyes have turned into eye rolls and you simply cannot go on with it. You have two choices: try to fix it or walk away. When you truly love someone, you will fling yourself onto the first option. If you’re unsure of how to fix an unhealthy relationship, don’t worry, I’ll give you a step-by-step guide you can take to start the process.
Step 1: You need to identify the problem(s) in your relationship. What is the origin of all of those arguments and tears? This could be anything from a bad habit to unstable communication. You may be feeling annoyed at your partner all of the time, but when and why did that startup? Have you two experienced any changes in your personal lives recently? Consider all of the possibilities until you have a clear and concise list of your problems. And – please – don’t list 100 things you don’t like about your partner. I’m talking about a maximum amount of 3 legitimate, large issues within your relationship. This will be your first step to fix an unhealthy relationship.
Check out: 10 Signs you’re becoming toxic
Step 2: Communicate openly about your problems with them. Once you have your key list of issues, it’s time for the hardest part: openly talking about them. Most problems in a relationship arise from a lack of clear communication. If you’re feeling negative about a part of the relationship you’re in, your partner should provide you a safe space to discuss it and vice versa. Both of you MUST be on board with this. I can’t emphasize this enough – you BOTH need to be willing to communicate in order to fix your relationship. If one partner says the whole thing is nonsense, then they think your future together is nonsense too. Hopefully, you are with someone who wants to fight for you as much as you want to fight for them.
Once open communication is established, you can both discuss the issues you see in your relationship. Keep it short and neutral. Don’t try to point fingers and avoid using the word, “You.” That just means you’re putting the blame on them. Talk about how you feel instead. For example, instead of saying “You make me furious every time you don’t do what you say”, instead you can say, “I feel really upset when your actions don’t match your words.” The difference is immense, and you increase the likelihood that your partner will listen to your concern instead of trying to be defensive.
Step 3: Be respectful and don’t let anger take control. As you both begin to communicate about your issues, the tension is going to rise. It’s only natural. Make sure to avoid blaming each other, and instead talk about what’s going on in a general sense. You don’t need to focus on specific past mistakes. If your partner said they were home when, instead, they were out with friends, there’s no need to spend 15 minutes talking about that specific incident and causing a scene.
Instead, think of how it affects your future together. If you don’t respect them, they aren’t going to respect you. If you find yourself getting off tangent, it’s okay to go for a walk for a few minutes and reconvene later. Stay as calm, cool, and collected as possible. Yelling and name-calling will only bring you back to square one, and you’ll rightfully regret it 2 hours later.
Check out: How to earn respect from people
Step 4: Focus on the positives of your relationship while establishing trust and support. While the issues need to be addressed, you must sprinkle the conversation with the positives of your relationship too. Don’t forget about why you wanted this relationship in the first place. Maybe they are incredibly supportive, or you two have the same goals and interests. There are hundreds of small things that create your bond, and you can’t lose sight of them. Remember that you’re both trying to fix this for a reason because it was a good relationship at one point. If your car needs new brakes, that doesn’t mean you send it to the junkyard. You fix those brakes.
Step 5: Getting back together. As you get the tough conversations out of the way, your relationship will need some intimate one-on-one time to bring back the love and passion that got lost in the arguments. You are both hurting and need reaffirmation of the joy your relationship can bring. Schedule a few date nights or start a new weekly hobby together. Make sure you two have fun together. Butterflies won’t stay in your stomach forever, but they sure can migrate back every now and again to remind you of why you fell in love in the first place.
Check out: 20 Cheap date ideas
Step 6: Last resort. If all else fails, professional help can be key in healing a broken relationship. Having a non-biased third party is a great way to mediate a conflict. Think of it as a neutral referee in a sports game. Disappointingly, with help or not, sometimes there is a relationship that can’t be saved. Heartaches are rough, but if it’s not meant to be, no matter what you do, you won’t be able to save it. There are always other opportunities out there for you. But make sure you choose the right person to go through the journey of life with you.
If you’re interested, check out: 10 Signs you’re not meant to be in a relationship
Overall, I hope you don’t have to use step 6, which is the last resort. Most of the time, you’re in a relationship for a reason. Find out your reason why and if it’s meant to be, then it’s meant to be. If you have any comments or stories you want to sure, let me know down below. So there you have it, 6 steps on how to fix an unhealthy relationship.