Wow, a perfect relationship. You and your soulmate, hand in hand, walking down a beach, looking into each other’s eyes, smiling, and confident that everything is going to be all right. It sounds too good to be true… because it probably is. If you didn’t know, a perfect relationship doesn’t exist; however, by learning how to have a perfect relationship, you can surely improve your own so that it is almost perfect. Here are 12 ways to do so.
1. Know what you need.
Funnily enough, it’s easy to get upset because your relationship isn’t giving you what you want without knowing exactly what you want. I mean, it’s easy to know that you aren’t happy or don’t feel content but to pinpoint what you lack will take some self-reflection. To have a perfect relationship you need to know exactly what you want out of one. Different people have different values and different needs. For some, child rearing is the ultimate goal, while others need a partner who is going to support them with their other life goals.
My definition of a perfect relationship could be different from yours, so let’s clarify that before anything else. Take some time to sit with yourself and reflect on what you need out of a relationship. Consider if these things will change over time or be a lifelong requirement for you. If you’re doubting that your partner has what you need, check out another video we made about the five signs you’re meant to be together.
2. Communicate it the right way.
Now that you know what you need, it’s your responsibility to communicate this effectively to your partner. Think about what you’re going to say before the conversation, and then sit your partner down and tell them that you want to share a few things with them. Make sure that they know you are only sharing this because it’s one of your needs and not as an attack on them. Ask them kindly if they would be willing to provide what you’re looking for. How you phrase this depends a lot on what your needs are. Feel free to run it past your most emotionally stable friend first to make sure the delivery is clear, kind, and effective. If your partner is on the same page and also wants an ideal relationship, they should hopefully hop right on board and share their own needs with you too.
3. Listen to your partner without the need to respond.
When I say listen without the need to respond, it doesn’t mean that you just stare at your partner with your mouth open and leave the conversation one-sided. What I do mean is listen to your partner without the need to respond with an I-statement. This is especially effective when you’re talking about controversial, tense, or uncomfortable subjects.
If they’re telling you something that’s bothering them or something that they hope you guys can work on, it’s easy to get defensive and instantly start talking about me, me, me. Instead, take a few seconds to truly dissect what they said in your mind and respond with a question to dig even further. Honestly, if you’re silent for more than a few seconds, your partner will probably just pick up the conversation and add more detail to it which will help you understand them more. It will progress your connection and relationship.
4. Let each other enjoy time apart.
Ideal relationships need to be connected yet also have alone time. Whether your partner loves to have a night out with friends or a spa day alone now and again, make sure that you’re supporting and promoting those hobbies. Time apart is great to grow individually, not to mention so you don’t get sick of being with each other 24/7. Each of you should have a sport, activity, or task that you enjoy doing without your significant other.
5. Support independent and unified goals.
Chances are you and your partner have some things you want to accomplish in life, and if you don’t, I would really encourage you to try and think of something. As a couple, it’s important to have both shared, long-term goals and independent goals to maintain your sense of self over time. Supporting one another in both of these is essential because this is what’s going to help you grow, succeed, and advance as a couple. This will, in turn, make your bond even stronger. Imagine building an empire with the person you love. How cool is that?
Even if you’re not such a goal-oriented person, come up with something you both want to do together, make a plan, and take some action on it as a team. By the way, one of my goals is to get some likes on this video and have you subscribe to my channel. Do you mind supporting me on this one? I appreciate it!
6. Choose your battles.
It’s simply not worth fighting over everything that bothers you during the course of a relationship. When you’re heated and want to say something you shouldn’t, take a few minutes and go somewhere alone. Take a walk, call a friend, or jot down your thoughts on a sheet of paper. Once you’ve cooled off, think of all the positive aspects of your partner, and then reconsider whether or not this is worth arguing over. Some things will be worth a fight, but about 75% of the other things will not. If you want a perfect relationship between two imperfect humans, you’re going to need to overlook a few things to maintain an overarching sense of happiness.
7. Don’t abandon physical touch.
Physical intimacy is just as important as emotional intimacy in a healthy relationship. After all, the only difference between two roommates and two people in a romantic relationship is primarily physical touch. Hug your partner when you see them, even if you just saw them a few hours ago. Kiss them now and again – and I don’t mean those grandma pecks but a real, romantic kiss. Hold hands in public, do a little PDA even if you’ve been dating for five years, and give them a back rub after a long day. Show them how much you love them.
Check out: 40 Amazing psychological facts about a relationship
8. Show appreciation, even when you don’t feel like it.
Appreciation is a vital, vital, vital part of having a perfect relationship. Remember all of the things your partner did at the beginning that made you fall in love with them in the first place? They probably still do a bunch of those things but you’re used to it now, so it’s lost its shiny new car smell. Tell them that you appreciate what they do and name specific things. Say thank you even if they are taking out the trash or washing the dishes as they always do. Highlight what you love about them even if it’s the same quality they’ve had for the last 700 days. Gratitude and appreciation are at the core of developing a perfect relationship.
9. Say five positive comments for every negative one.
There have been a few studies about the effects of negative comments versus positive comments in relationships, both romantic and not. The general gist is that you should say between five and seven positive comments to cancel out every one negative comment that you tell someone. That means that if you make a mistake and insult your partner or hurt their feelings, it’s going to take at least five genuine, loving comments to make up for it. Even then, that hurt can last a lifetime but these positive comments are a good way to keep your relationship balanced. I’ve seen this in my own life for romantic relationships as much as professional ones. If you’ve never heard of a feedback sandwich, I suggest you Google it.
10. Honesty is the best policy – even when it’s hard.
If you want that ideal relationship, you’re going to have to have ideal communication, which means open and honest conversation even about the hard stuff. I’ve got to admit that this is probably the most difficult aspect of this to list for me. Sometimes there are just conversations that seem intimidating or that dive into unknown waters, and that can be scary. I’ve recently started to be more honest than ever before with my boyfriend, and even though the conversations have been hard and emotional at times, reaching that level of honesty has elevated our relationship to a new level I was never expecting. Highly difficult, but highly recommended.
11. Know their love language and use it.
Most of you guys have probably heard about the five love languages. If you know your love language, comment below! I wonder which one is the most popular. If you don’t know much about it, a quick Google search will get you up-to-date. Learn your partner’s love language and give them love in that language. It may not be natural for you, but they’re going to receive it with open arms and truly feel the love that you have for them. My love language is acts of service and I have witnessed firsthand the immense relief and affection that I feel when my partner helps me with tasks that stress me out. I would choose that over affectionate words, a hug, or a gift any day, so this is just one example of how love languages play out in the day-to-day.
12. Keep the spark alive.
The perfect relationship for many will last a lifetime, but a lifetime is a long time to keep things interesting. It’ll take effort and will not come naturally, but if you can keep the spark alive, you’re bound to feel moments of intense love just like when you two first met. Go on an adventure together, plan romantic dates and getaways, and say yes to new plans and activities.
Check out: The relationship advice you didn’t know you needed
If you’re two imperfect humans trying to be part of one perfect relationship, you’re bound to have some road bumps. Using these 12 strategies will help you rebalance, get back on track, and aim toward the ideal relationship that you’ve been searching for. I’m rooting for you two!