Women are known for their sense of intuition and their ability to read emotions, but it seems it doesn’t get us very far when it comes to identifying real flirting from friendliness. A professor from the University of Kansas and author of the book The Five Flirting Styles, Jeffrey Hall, completed a study where women were only able to identify flirting from friendliness 18% of the time. These same women had excellent perceptions when someone wasn’t flirting with them, but they were bad judges of character for identifying men who were actually hitting on them. It seems we could all use a little help, and that’s where I hope to come in. Today we’re going to learn how to tell if a male coworker likes you or is just being friendly through eight common workplace scenarios.
1. If he brings everyone food, he’s friendly.
If he only brings you food or a drink and it’s customized, he likes you. Many coworkers bring snacks to the office. It could be because they like to bake, they wanted to be nice, for a holiday or birthday, or because they had leftovers at home. This is exciting and this is appreciated, but it isn’t flirting. First off, guys tend to do this less than women – I don’t have a statistic but I would bet on it. Second, if a guy goes out of his way to bring food or drinks only for you, the entire dynamic changes. For most of these examples, we’re going to use Sam the office man as an example. Sam is a combination of a lot of guys I have met in offices and workplaces and we’re going to see the difference between Sam and his coworker and Sam and his coworker’s crush. Sam brings donuts in during the busy season to brighten the office’s spirits and make his coworkers less crabby. Sam is nice. Then, one December during the slow season, Sam brings you your favorite Starbucks coffee with skim milk, two sugars, and whipped cream, just how you like it. It isn’t your birthday and you aren’t stressed – this is just a gift. Sam has a coworker crush.
2. If he asks you out to lunch once in a blue moon, he’s friendly.
If he only asks you out to lunch or when you plan to take your break, he likes you. Another big sign around food, and that’s probably because it’s one of the few times at work when we can put our professional personas away and be normal people for a few minutes. It’s for this same reason that many coworkers try to escape office buildings together for lunch or order in and share common meals for 30 to 60 minutes. Sam knows this and will ask you or some other coworker out to lunch once in a blue moon. If a few coworkers get together and order pizza or Chinese for lunch, Sam may sign himself up and enjoy the hour together. On the other hand, Sam seems extra interested in you, your lunch, and your work breaks. He asks you to let him know when you plan to take your lunch or miraculously appears in the break room shortly after you do. He even offers to split his food with you sometimes, but not with Sara from marketing or Danielle from the front desk. Sam likes you. By the way, if you’re already convinced Sam is into you, don’t forget to watch another video we made about how to test if a guy likes you.
3. If he helps you out with a work task, he’s friendly.
If he offers to help whenever he sees you overwhelmed or anxious, he likes you. Sam is a social butterfly. You needed some help with last week’s report so you asked for it and Sam came to the rescue. He helped you finish on time and even high-fived you once it was submitted. Sam is friendly. Now we fast-forward a few months. You are stressed and up to your ears with deadlines. Anyone within a ten-foot radius can tell that you’re overwhelmed and anxious. Sam jumps in, no asking necessary, and insists on taking a few things off of your plate. A few months later you’re slightly stressed, not even overwhelmed but a bit of a busy bee, and Sam does the same thing. He just knows when you could use a hand and insists on lending it. Sam likes you.
4. If he catches you up on what you missed when you were on sick leave, he’s friendly.
If he monitors how you’re doing during your sick leave, he likes you. Sam is happy to get everyone up to date after they have been out for a day or two for illness. He welcomes back anyone who has been on leave with a big smile because he’s friendly. When Sam has a crush on a coworker, though, he’ll do more than just wait for them to return. He’ll call you or message you to ask what’s up and how you’re feeling. He may even ask if you need anything or offer to bring you soup or medicine if needed. Sam likes you. By the way, I worry about you when I don’t see you in my comments or likes for a while. Do you mind alleviating the worry by liking and subscribing? I’d really appreciate it!
Check out: 10 Signs your coworker has feelings for you
5. If he is known for giving nice compliments, he’s friendly.
If he only compliments you and they are more than skin-deep, he likes you. Nice guys give compliments on professional attire and a job well done. It’s a one-and-done compliment system. No flirting or follow-up, just genuine kind comments about surface-level things. When Sam gets romantic, these compliments add another layer. He’ll compliment your character traits, the way you work or interact with others, and your values. He may even call you beautiful as a cherry on top.
6. If he just calls you his work wife but has an actual wife, he’s friendly.
If he calls you his work wife and/or other pet names, is single, and doesn’t speak that way to others at work, he likes you. Sam is super friendly and sometimes maybe flirty. At least, he calls you his work wife. At the same time, you know he has an actual wife or someone close to it who he is committed to and would not hurt. Assuming you aren’t out to home-wreck any households, Sam is just friendly and won’t cross any lines. Now change over to single Sam. Suddenly work wife sounds a lot flirtier and carries over some romantic connotations.
7. If he is a great conversationalist with you at work, he’s just friendly.
If he reaches out to you outside of work for personal reasons, he likes you. The standard nice guy at work will chit-chat with most people, complain about Mondays, celebrate Fridays, and talk about things like the weather and trending topics. This is just a semi-social normal coworker. A flirtatious Sam, on the other hand, will extend those conversations past work hours and way past work topics. If he just messages you after hours to ask about the status of a report, it’s work talk. If he follows up this question by asking what you’re up to or other personal questions, the original question was a decoy and his real intention is to get to know you outside of work.
8. If you and all of your coworkers consider him a super nice guy, he’s just friendly.
If he singles you out to be nice, he likes you. Most people are generally good judges of character, at least on the surface. If one person says Sam is nice, maybe it’s an anomaly. If ten of your coworkers agree that Sam’s a sweetie, it’s his personality. If you and only you think Sam is the most considerate guy in the office, it means he’s directing this special attention toward you and only you.
Check out: 10 Signs a male coworker likes you
Alright, so let’s get down to it. Do you have a friendly Sam or a flirty Sam in your workspace? And how do you feel about that conclusion? No matter what you were hoping for, remember that workplace relationships should be approached with caution. Take it one step at a time and I’m sure everything will work out how it’s supposed to. Good luck!