I love being a woman and I think we females have tons of strengths; unfortunately, communicating when we’re especially angry or upset is not always one of them. In my earlier years, I have been known to be the queen of the cold shoulder, especially when my ex or someone I liked did something that I wasn’t fond of. A good 98% of the time, a girl will ignore you because she’s mad at you. The other 2% will be because she doesn’t know you very well and you’re being kind of creepy. I’m going to assume you know this girl generally well and fall into the 98% category. To help you out, I’m going to combine knowledge from my own experiences with that of my many girl BFFs to tell you what you should do to get her talking again. When she ignores you, do these 7 things.
1. Reflect on the last few days.
Many guys, believe it or not, are clueless – bless their sweet souls. They mean well but they just don’t realize when they commit a big no-no in front of a girl who likes them. Here’s the thing; a girl who gets mad and ignores you probably likes you. The fact that she cares about you makes her more sensitive to your actions and words. The plus is that she likes you, but the negative is that you have to be a lot more conscious of what you say and do around her since she’s super focused on you. Sit with yourself for at least ten minutes and think about everything that’s happened since the last time you spoke normally with her. Did you do anything that would hurt her feelings? If you’ve crossed a line with another girl, said something negative about this girl, ignored her somehow, or said something hurtful or rude, that is your answer. Most of the time a guy can figure out what he did wrong, he’ll just need to dedicate a little bit of brain power to do so.
Check out: How to make someone miss you (psychology)
2. Don’t be too proud to chase her.
Whether you know what you did or not, this step is important. Too many people – both guys and girls – get stuck being prideful and ruin relationships because of it. If this girl means something to you, whether it be as a friend or more, she’s worth chasing to some degree. Of course, you can only chase so much before you seem like a scrub, but it’s worth messaging her or even trying to talk to her in person at least two or three times. This will show you care and, if you truly don’t know what you did, this will also be your chance to tell her you’re in the dark.
3. Ask her what’s up… more than once.
Bear with me on this one, guys, because I know it’s annoying. The fact is, though, you’re going to have to ask her what’s up more than once. As a girl, our natural reaction when we’re upset is to say that we’re fine. It might sound silly to guys, but sometimes, it’s just easier for us to say that things are fine instead of sharing our feelings – especially because we are afraid our feelings won’t be validated or understood. Fine never means fine. Fine means, you need to ask one or two or even three more times before I crack. That is my definition of fine. Think of it as our defense system. Reassure the girl that you know things aren’t fine because you can tell she is bothered and that you want to fix the situation. When she does open up, it’s your cue to validate. No matter what she says, try your best to listen and not go on the defensive.
4. Tell her you need more communication.
Once this girl has admitted that things are indeed not fine, it’s time to talk about it. Depending on your age and this girl’s maturity level, this could be either slightly difficult or nearly impossible. Unfortunately, there is little you can do to make someone communicate if they don’t want to, but it is literally the only key to healthy relationships all around. If she listens, explain to her that you need to have more open communication for your relationship to grow and thrive. Tell her you want to resolve any issues and understand where she is coming from, then give her the space to talk without interrupting. Instead of defending yourself, always make a note to ask a question so she explains further. You may not agree with her, but you must listen to her if you want to move past this. Plus, she will need to get everything out, almost like a venting session, before she has the mental space to look toward the future.
Check out: 10 Signs someone is extremely jealous of you
5. Give her some space.
There’s a chance this girl won’t even tell you that she’s mad or upset and will close off once she says, “I’m fine.” If she doesn’t budge, you’re only going to annoy her by asking her more than a couple of times, so let it go and give her some space for now. The key is to tell her you’re giving her this space so that it doesn’t come off like you’re just ignoring her back. Let her know that you want to fix things, but that you don’t want to invade her space and that you’re waiting for her to reach out when she’s ready. I usually only need an hour or so until I calm down and think clearly, and most girls will come around within a day. If she’s really tough and says nothing for more than two days, try reaching out just once more.
6. Apologize if needed.
Once she’s ready to talk with you, it’s time to be the bigger person and admit to any of your wrongdoings. Saying sorry is hard, but it’s one of the most freeing and healthiest things you can do in the right situation. Maybe you think what you did wasn’t worth getting upset over, and you may very well be right. The thing is, human emotions don’t always listen to rationale, so if you hurt her feelings, you hurt her feelings. There’s no way or excuse around that. Say sorry. Say it directly and don’t manipulate it. I’ve heard the “I’m sorry you didn’t like what I did” apology or the “I’m sorry you feel that way” BS and I’m here to tell you that isn’t an apology. That’s a blame game and it’s got no place in a healthy relationship. Say sorry, work together on communicating better, and move forward. If she’s honestly too sensitive for you, you’ll have to consider separating yourself from that friendship or relationship, but you should still make amends no matter what you decide.
7. Do something to lighten the mood.
After someone is upset in a friendship or relationship, things can be slightly awkward for a bit. Do something to lighten the mood, make her smile, and break the ice. If you know how to make her laugh, pull out your goofy side. Show or send her a meme or funny video, or make a joke to crack her up. Once you get that first smile out of her things will go back to how they used to be much more quickly.
Check out: How to get over someone you love
Conclusion:
When a girl ignores you, it’s hard to know why it’s happening or how to fix it. Follow these 7 steps in order, though, and you have a pretty good chance of getting things back on track. It’s also important to note that you should set a limit for when to lay off. There’s always a chance that a girl doesn’t want to pursue anything with you, and ignoring you could be her way to show it. If you reach out two or three times and she doesn’t get back to you, you’re better off moving on and focusing on yourself for now. In any case, thanks for caring enough about this girl and the situation to try and fix it. We need more guys like you in the world!