Dating A Guy With No Relationship Experience
There could be a lot of sparkles and fairy dust sprinkled around the idea of your first love. Getting your first boyfriend or girlfriend seems like the most important moment of your life at the time, and movies portray marrying your high school sweetheart as if it is the ultimate goal for any person. While your first relationship will bring many butterflies and intense feelings, it will also hand you a lifetime of lessons. You’ll learn what to do, what you want, and what truly doesn’t work. Someone new to dating won’t be a Casanova King from the start. What happens, then, when you have already had your love lessons and experience, but your new boyfriend hasn’t? The playing field is definitely not equal when one partner has dating experience and the other is a complete newbie. The experienced player, AKA you, might want to know what to expect and what you’ll need to prepare for when dating a guy with no relationship experience. And for the guys who are still fresh out of the womb, you might want to stick around and listen to this. So here are 10 key points that could happen.
1. Patience is key.
You are a person with many virtues. We all know it. In this situation, you’re going to have to pull one virtue out of your arsenal and use it to the fullest. That virtue is patience. Remember in your first relationship, when you would get mad over dumb things and didn’t know how to pick your battles? You may have learned from it. You’re still human, and having a boyfriend who is new to the game will bring its challenges. Remember to be patient. A parent shouldn’t yell at their kid if the kid is a baby and doesn’t know the ABC’s. The only way a baby would know the ABC’s is if someone teaches them and from experience. It’ll take some time to learn and it’s okay. Do it one step at a time. So, take some deep breaths when it seems frustrating and people will eventually go from no experience to experience.
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2. Talk about your expectations.
Since we’re using the analogy of you teaching, let’s focus on the ability of talking about your expectations. In the same way, your teacher would explain how you’re graded at the beginning of the school year, you should lay some ground rules down with the guy. But don’t let this analogy or comparison get too much into your head; You and this guy are both equal in the relationship. He may have way more experience in other things, but you just happen to have a bit more in the realm of love. While this is true, it doesn’t make you automatically a better partner than he is. When you two set your standards, ask him what he expects out of a relationship or vice versa. Does he think it means you have to speak to the person throughout the day, every day? Or maybe he sees a relationship as a fun way to spend his weekends but needs his space during the week. Ask him detailed questions and make sure that both of your expectations find common ground. To be honest, this would be a great activity for any couple to do at the beginning of their relationship. It’s a great way to start an open conversation that can show if you are on the same path right from the get-go. As a bonus, this is an excellent way to prevent future blow-ups.
3. Provide clear explanations.
Even if this conversation goes as perfectly as planned, you are both normal people and will experience some bumps on the way. If something is bothering you or you get angry, you’ll need to provide a clear explanation of how you’re feeling or vice versa. This is where you can set an example of how to communicate. Being passive-aggressive is not the best way to go. Remember that this guy hasn’t been in this situation before, so he may take your word at face value. This will make you feel ignored, and the initial problem will never be resolved. If he asked you what’s wrong, and you say that you’re fine, you can’t get upset if this dude legitimately thinks that you’re fine. He trusts you and your word, and you should keep it that way. If he wanted to solve confusing riddles, he would have bought a riddle book. So, why not be crystal clear. This is important when dating a guy with no relationship experience.
4. Don’t take everything he does or says personally.
Remember the part when I talked about the parent who yelled at the baby for not knowing the ABC’s? The baby doesn’t do this on purpose. They’re just innocent and cute. Well, the same goes for a guy who has never been in a relationship. This doesn’t mean that he gets a get-out-of-jail-free card for everything he does – not at all – but it does mean that you shouldn’t take everything he says or does personally. This guy’s life experience might be solely revolved around himself. His decisions up to this point have been for his own self-interest, and it will be a big adjustment for him to bring you into the mix. If he does something that seems inconsiderate, it’s possible that he isn’t aware of a more-considerate alternative. To him, it might just be “normal.” He may not give you the compliment you wanted, but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like you. Take a step back and try to view it from his perspective before you decide if it was something actually directed against you.
5. Have a clean fight.
If you do decide that this guy has done or said something unacceptable, then I trust your decision. He is new to relationships, but he isn’t an actual newborn, after all. You have your boundaries. A fight, or a few, may come and go, so you’ve got to make sure they are handled correctly. So, fight CLEAN. This means that you should aim to have discussions, not arguments. De-escalate tense conversations and never resort to behavior that you wouldn’t want from him. Name-calling, gas-lighting, and sarcasm should be thrown out the window. Use “I-statements” to express your concerns and feelings and avoid blaming. This isn’t possible 100% of the time, but trying this out could calm down the situation.
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6. Learn their love language.
Sometimes relationships go sour because the people involved don’t know how to really connect with one another. Everyone has their own “love language”. One person may feel the most loved when you spend quality time with them, another may feel it when you help them out of a tough situation, or another may feel full of love if their house is full of gifts from you. Every person is unique. Here are the 5 different love languages in case you’re wondering. Words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Learn what makes this guy tick and what he admires most of how you treat him. Once you both know each other’s preferences, use this information when you want to express your love. Always keep their love languages in mind to show how much you mean to one another.
7. Show him your appreciation.
As this guy starts learning the ropes, it’s important to show him consistent appreciation along the way. It’s been proven time and time again that rewards for positive behavior are way more effective than punishment for negative behavior. What that’s basically saying is that you’re going to promote the healthiest relationship if you focus on the positives instead of arguing about the negatives. Make him feel appreciated by thanking him for the kind things he says or does. Offer him genuine compliments about how he is as a date, or as a person. Learning to navigate a relationship is tough and it requires effort. Nothing gives you more motivation to succeed quite like the support of your loved ones.
8. Respect his space and boundaries.
Another way to support your date is to respect his space and boundaries. While he is learning the ropes of dating, he will also be setting his own boundaries and standards in the relationship. You can’t expect him to conform to your style of relationship. It is NOT your way or the highway. This guy may need more space or to take things slower than you used to. Let’s not forget about patience. You’ll want to make sure that he’s comfortable with the steps you’re taking in the relationship and the way you go about taking them. Communication is truly key to make sure that you two are on the same page. R-E-S-P-E-C-T will help keep a healthy relationship.
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9. Talk about your future together.
As you two get to know each other more, you may want to start talking about your future together. This guy is new at this, so he probably isn’t going to dive head-first into planning your future wedding. It doesn’t have to be dramatic, but you can definitely mention some thoughts you have for a year or so down the line. You can even feel free to ask him about the general things he wants in life. For example, it’s not appropriate for you to ask him if he wants to have your kids or not, unless he’s super chill and cool, but it is appropriate to ask if he would want kids at all in the future. This opens the door for him to mention his future plans, and if he feels comfortable enough, he might even mention you in them! Hearing about his plans with you provides a sense of safety and security. By mentioning him in your future, you’re making it known that he is important to you and that he can count on you in the long run.
10. Be reassuring.
In combination with speaking about your future, it’s vital to also find little ways to be reassuring to your new date. Sometimes guys don’t know what they’re doing, and as he slowly learns the do’s and don’ts, he will want verification that things are alright. You will both mess up once or twice – that’s just life – but the important part is the aftermath. If he has doubts, you’re likely to notice them pretty quickly. Discomforts and concerns are hard to hide in a new relationship. Make sure to eliminate any doubts that rise to the surface. Reassure him that things are going well and, if they’re not, then have a talk. Showing that you’re confident in the relationship will let him know that he’s confident as a date and a potential long-term partner.
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Conclusion:
Overall, dating a guy with no relationship experience can be a daunting task. It sounds like you’re being the guy in the relationship but it happens when there’s a difference in experiences. Throughout your relationship, you will both be learning the good, the bad, and the ugly about each other. The important thing to maintain the good is healthy communication. Remember to respect, listen, and understand. You don’t have to always agree, but you must always try to understand. While it may sound like a bit of work, the truth is that every relationship requires effort. Dating a guy with 5 ex-girlfriends might be ten times worse than dating someone who has never had a partner. This new guy might just be the best guy in the world; He just hasn’t had the chance to show it yet. Who knows, you could turn out to be the happiest girl in the world, if everything works out. So there you have it 10 things to look out for when dating a guy with no relationship experience.