Starting A Long-Distance Relationship
Long-distance relationships are a tale as old as time. However, in this day and age of technology and instant communication, gone are the lockets with a photo of your beloved and a lock of their hair as a token of their favor, no longer must you wait for the afternoon mail delivery to look for a letter or a postcard from your honey. Travel and communication is now easier than ever, but can also present their own set of challenges that must be navigated in a long-distance relationship, and above all, the lack of physical proximity is still something that can wear down any relationship.
With that in mind, here are 7 things to keep in mind when starting a long-distance relationship.
1. Set up mutual goals and boundaries.
While every relationship is different, open and free communication in a long-distance relationship is key. Talk about your expectations of the relationship and of each other in the long run. If one party in a relationship needs to find ways to be together physically than the other, or your end-game plans differ, there could be friction right from the get-go. This step will require you to examine nearly all aspects of your life, not just your relationship – what are your professional or academic goals? Where do you want to live? How will family and friends play into where you end up? How long will you be a long-distance relationship, or a relationship at all? Are either of you open to an open relationship or seeing other people while separated? Of course, you don’t need to have your whole life planned out, but making sure that you and your partner have similar goals for your lives and for your relationship will definitely help you navigate your way around some of the more stressful aspects of your relationship.
Check out: 10 Signs You Are Emotionally Connected to Someone
2. Avoid excessive communication.
While this may seem paradoxical, it is also important. In a world where your partner is just a tap of a button away, the urge to constantly check up on your partner can be tempting, especially to attempt to make up for the distance and lack of physical proximity. However, being possessive and even obsessive about constantly being in contact with your partner can be negative in a long-distance relationship. Each person in a long-distance relationship has their own life set apart from their partner, and a healthy relationship thrives on the mutual trust that grows when each half of a relationship is allowed to grow and experience the world on their own. The urge to tell your partner about every little thing that happens every minute of every day is one that can, over time, build up to seem strangling, oppressive, or even downright exhausting, for both you and your partner. Just take a deep breath, let it go, and remember that quantity of communication doesn’t necessarily make up for quality in a long-distance relationship.
3. Set up a schedule for each other.
That being said, it is important to put effort into a long-distance relationship. While you and your partner do not need to be texting, calling, Skyping, or communicating 24 hours a day, setting aside a little time just for your partner can be immensely helpful. Setting a Skype date once a week on Sunday evenings or taking an extra fifteen minutes before bed to chat with your partner about your day are both examples of how you can still regularly talk to your partner without having to constantly interact with each other throughout the day. Plus, these scheduled chats or times for communicating with your partner can become something to look forward to in your schedules. Managing mutual schedule can be tricky, especially more so if you have to deal with a time-zone difference, but ultimately there are any number of combinations and schedules that are possible – it is simply up to what makes you and your partner most comfortable.
Check out: How to Emotionally Connect in a Long Distance Relationship
4. Don’t put your life and other relationships on hold.
When your significant other isn’t with you, it can be easy to spend all your time communicating with them, and living your life for them, miles and miles away. You may feel like your partner should be your absolute, number 1, highest priority, any time, any day, and any free time you have should be spent talking to your partner, to make up for the lack of physical proximity. But this can actually be unhealthy and prevent you from enjoying life on your end to the fullest – you don’t need to feel guilty about going to see a movie with a group of friends, or going to a bar with some coworkers after work. Remember, you have your own life! Isolating yourself and only making free time for your partner will stop you from forming new memories and friendships, and also may erode some of your already existing friendships. Don’t forget those non-romantic relationships are just as important as romantic ones!
5. Sexting
If you and your partner do have a sexual aspect to your relationship, the lack of physical interaction and proximity can drive you crazy. However, if you and your partner are open to it, technology nowadays lets you be a little sexy and raunchy even if you are separated. Snapping a picture to your partner of yourself in the bath, or laying in bed in your underwear, can keep your relationship fun and exciting. Going further, imagining scenarios with your partner as to what you would do if you were together can build your sex drive up even further, and make for another electrifying experience.
6. Surprise!
Being in a long-distance relationship means that you’ll have to miss a lot of momentous occasions in your partner’s life, like birthdays or holidays, as well as small victories, like a job well done at work or finally fixing that leaky faucet in their kitchen. To keep your relationship fun and flowing, surprises can give your partner a reminder that you’re still thinking of them. Ordering flowers to be delivered from the florist close to their apartment, or sending them a care package from where you are, are both ways that you can still show your partner that while you can’t be there physically, you are emotionally behind them every step of the way. If you have the free time and the money, a surprise visit could also be incredibly gratifying for you and your partner after not having seen each other for a long time. (However, make sure that you don’t force them to sacrifice any plans that they might have already had, especially if you’re there for a holiday!)
7. Let yourself trust your partner, and work to be a trustworthy partner.
This may be one of the hardest parts of a long-distance relationship for some people. The fear that a partner will cheat or find someone else during a relationship is a very poignant fear that can affect many people and couples, and not only those who are separated by distance. However, a huge fundamental aspect of long-distance relationships is the mutual trust between you and your partner, when you cannot be there with them every minute of every day. Letting yourself trust your partner and letting go of that fear is important, or at the very least, acknowledge that whatever happens is more or less out of your control. The cracks and breaks in any relationship that lead to infidelity can be caused by any number of problems by either party in a relationship. Trusting your partner, and making sure that you are someone that they can trust, is always a two-way street.