It’s easy to see someone who seems to have it all and think, “Wow, that could never be me.” Maybe they have a high-class life, an enviable relationship, a successful career, or the work-life balance you desperately desire.
You may think you aren’t enough, that you don’t have the same skill or ability, that other people have luck or the right family or the right education, and you are just SOL – but you are fooling yourself. It’s time to be honest.
When you see people succeeding and you think that they are 100% sure of themselves, it isn’t always like that. That rich guy is struggling with insecurities and imposter syndrome. That successful businesswoman has cried herself to sleep more nights than anyone knows about, and that happy couple just went through a rough patch that threatened to end it all.
No one is perfect, no matter how perfect their life may seem on Instagram or YouTube or even in person. Doubting yourself is natural. Struggles will come.
You will have to climb some mountains, but the benefits and possibilities if you do are endless. The question is – will you make the climb?
Everyone has felt that they weren’t good enough at one point, but the difference between the ones that stay there and the ones that find themselves and find success is when you take the plunge. It’s when you give yourself a small benefit of the doubt and take a risk. You may not have it all. You may not be the smartest or the richest or the most beautiful. But you are you, and that makes you unique. There is only one of you. You are irreplaceable, and you are worth taking a risk on.
You may be thinking, “This is all kind and great, but how do I believe in myself? How do I believe that I am enough?” These are valid questions. Hearing you’re enough and believing it are two different things, so let’s break down how you can achieve both.
Psychologically, there’s a very linear progression from our experiences to our actions. First, we experience one thing or a few things that make us feel a certain way about ourselves. Maybe someone like a parent or an ex told you that you weren’t enough. Maybe you didn’t do well in a certain setting, like school or a job. The situation didn’t go as planned and you interpreted it to mean you were not enough. This is called a false assumption.
This false assumption then implants itself into your thoughts. You accept it as part of your identity – creating it yourself – and then you look for other experiences that may support it. You even make future decisions based on this assumption and thought.
Sometimes, we will give up too early because we think we aren’t good enough to make it to the finish line before we even try. You may miss opportunities, not signing up because that self-doubt seeps in and you think it would be a waste of your time.
Thinking you aren’t enough makes you act like you aren’t enough – all as a façade.
Doubting yourself, your future, and your capabilities is a part of the journey, but it only needs to be a small part. It’s time to stop extending it, and we have to go back to where it begins – your thoughts.
If you’ve been doubting yourself for years, you’ll need to put in some time to make the change into self-assurance and confidence. Sit down with yourself and write down a few negative things you have been telling yourself. These assumptions are assuming negative things about yourself. Assuming makes an… well, you may know the phrase. It’s time to stop assuming.
Let’s say you write down something like, “I’m weak.” Next to it, create a column labeled “The Truth” and write the opposite. Instead of “I’m weak,” you write “I’m strong.” Instead of “I’m not smart enough to finish this degree,” you write “I am capable of finishing this degree.”
Now, I want you to look at your list of truths and find one example for each – at least – that proves it is true. If you wrote that you are strong, think of a time when you were emotionally strong and did well in a difficult situation. If you want to finish a program, think of a time when you completed another grade, certification, or course. You may be able to think of multiple examples for each truth.
Now, moving forward, it’s time for the tough part. The next time you do something small that supports a truth, it’s time to think that supportive thought. If you’re alone, say it out loud. It’s going to feel weird and uncomfortable – even wrong – because you are going to be thinking something that conflicts with your assumptions, but this is where the change starts.
Your thoughts form your world. If you suddenly went into a coma and woke up without memory, imagine how you would act if I told you that you were a successful leader with a wonderful family and a bright future. You would go out there and embody all of these things – even if what I had said was a lie. Our life lies within our thoughts.
Think it with me: I am strong. I am smart. I am capable. I am attractive. I can be a great partner to the right person. I deserve this opportunity. I can get through this. I am enough. Say it again. Write it down, repeat it, and force yourself to think it every time a conflicting thought appears.
As you start to see smaller examples of your success, you’ll gain the confidence to take bigger risks. Soon you’ll realize there are more chances for success in your environment than you ever noticed. Things that seemed to be obligations before now appear as opportunities. Once you try one out and succeed, the cycle strengthens.
Is this to say you’ll suddenly succeed in everything you do? Absolutely not. That would make you superhuman, and while you are enough and you are capable, we are all still just human. The difference is that this time you’ll have an alternative response to failures.
Instead of letting them weigh you down, you’ll again to replace negative assumptions with truths. Then, you’ll search for a lesson in that failure. Truth be told, this makes it a success instead of a failure altogether! So long as you learn and grow, you’re advancing, and if you’re advancing, you cannot be failing.
Our experiences form our thoughts. Our thoughts form our assumptions. Our assumptions form our actions. Our actions form our lives. What kind of life do you want? Do your thoughts align with the thoughts of someone with your ideal life? What thoughts must you have to become the person you strive to be?
Another great activity is to form two columns. In one column, you write down some of your daily habits that aren’t so ideal, and in the second column you write down the daily habits of someone living your ideal life. The goal is to slowly replace some of your habits with some of those habits of the ideal person you strive to be.
Being enough starts and ends with you. No one else on earth can determine your worth, because it is something that is created internally. Once you value yourself, your value will be apparent to those around you.
Take a chance on yourself and find the truths you have been ignoring. It’s time for a change. Say it again.
I am strong. I am smart. I am capable. I am attractive. I can be a great partner to the right person. I deserve this opportunity. I can get through this. I am enough.