Socializing doesn’t come naturally to all of us. For some, it’s a challenge to chat with others, especially if you’re on the quiet side. For those wondering how to talk to girls if you’re shy or socially awkward, there is hope. With a few of these 6 strategies and tips, you could build a communication base to push you in the right direction – towards her arms, that is.
1. Choose your context.
While some shy guys could convince themselves to talk to a girl in the spur of the moment, most talk themselves out of it instead. To avoid getting cold feet, it’s helpful to plan your conversation as best you can, and that starts with choosing the context. Where do you run into this girl the most – the office? School? The gym? The context matters a lot because conversation can be much easier in one place than in another. For example, I would be down to talk to a guy if I’m on a coffee break in a hallway alone, but I have zero interest in talking to anyone when I’m working out with my headphones in. Try to choose a context where the girl is alone to avoid getting uncomfortable or distracted by those around you and make sure it’s a place she won’t be busy working on something.
Check out: How to talk to your crush
2. Start with hello.
It’s nearly impossible to plan out every word you’re going to say, but you can outline a few of the basics. The important point is to keep it simple and start with a hello, followed by an introduction, question, or casual conversation. The first chat is not one where you should talk about aliens, war, disease, or any other unpleasant or obscure topic. I’ll always remember when this random college student tried to talk to me at a park at my university. He seemed normal enough and I probably could’ve been friends with him, but he immediately started to talk to me about some conspiracy theory he had. I knew then that it was our first and last conversation. So, my advice is to stick to the basics. Hello, I’m so-and-so. Are you from around here? Any thoughts on where I could get something to eat in the neighborhood? Elevator chit-chat is about as far as you should go during the first encounter to get your feet wet. Once you know her better and feel out the situation, then you can introduce deeper conversations and unique subjects.
3. Practice at home.
It sounds cheesy, but you can actually practice your basics at home. Stand in front of a mirror and say a few lines to see what introduction comes out the most naturally. This will make it easier to get the conversation started when you run into her.
Check out: How to talk to a girl you like
4. Connect through a friend.
If you aren’t gutsy enough to talk to her alone face-to-face, try to find a friend in common who could introduce you. If they’re your close friend, you could ask them upfront, but beware that they’ll probably assume you like this girl and word could get out. I learned my lesson the hard way on this one by asking my friend Jenna to introduce me to a guy named Mark a while back. Of course, she took it to mean that I basically loved Mark, and I could tell she told him before our introduction because of the smug look on his face the whole time we talked. Mark and I didn’t speak again after that, and I learned a better tactic for meeting someone through a friend. Instead of asking outright, find a moment when your friend is talking to that person. Then, politely interrupt their conversation and wait for an introduction. If your friend is slow to pick up your cues, introduce yourself and the other person will follow.
5. Use social media to your advantage.
Plenty of friendships and even relationships have blossomed out of social media, but you’ll have to play your cards right. After all, there’s a fine line between being friendly behind a screen and coming off as creepy. The key is to limit your online interactions accordingly. Let’s say you and this girl follow each other already. You could respond to one of her stories with a short comment and see if she responds. Just liking what she said doesn’t count. I’ll speak for almost all women when we say that yes, we have seen your comments, posts, and likes. If we didn’t respond any words to them, it’s because we aren’t interested. If she does respond, though, you’ve just opened the door to a simple conversation online. Chat it up, but keep it short, then try to repeat the process a few days or even a week or two later.
6. Remember that she’s just another person.
No matter which approaches you choose, it’s so important to reiterate that this girl is just another human being. It may be tough to speak to her, your teacher, your boss, or a stranger, but at the end of the day, we are all just people trying to get by. Chances are she has a lot more on her plate than just socializing, so don’t take it to heart if she keeps the conversation simple once you do touch base. If you don’t talk today, you’ll have a chance tomorrow, and if it doesn’t happen, there are over 3.5 billion other women to choose from and try to talk with in the future.
Check out: 10 Things to talk about with a girl
Conclusion:
If you’ve made it this far, thanks for sticking with me! It’s not always easy to try and do something difficult for us, but you’re taking the right steps to overcome your shyness or awkwardness to make more connections with others – and that’s awesome.