How to Tell If a Guy is Confused About His Feelings for You
Most likely a guy isn’t going to be confused about which exit to take on the highway, nor will he be confused about his favorite basketball team. He’s confused about YOU. I’m guessing you’re here because there’s this guy who is driving you nuts. You ordered pizza and instead you get a box of mixed signals. Who wants to order that? Mixed signals can mean a variety of different things. The guy could be going through a weird time in his life, or, just maybe, he is unsure about how he feels about you. And how can we figure that out? It’s as simple as 1 + 1… or should I say 1 x 10, since I’ll be going over 10 ways on how to tell if a guy is confused about his feelings for you.
1. His texts are random and unpredictable.
In the wonderful, technologically-saturated world that we live in, most friendships and relationships begin by exchanging the simplest of complex messages: texts. Whether you form part of the green-team-Android, or the die-hard blue iMessage crew, one thing’s for certain; Texts relay way more than words. “Haha.” And “HAHAHA!!” relay two completely different messages, tones and motives. Ok, now, enters your Romeo (or John, or Josh, or whatever his name really is). This guy messages you for a while and the conversation could be good, even great, and then suddenly the convo is going downhill fast. When did this guy become a worse texter than grandma? Or worse! At least grandma usually answers…Then, a few days later or not too long after that, he shoots you a random message that acts like your old convo doesn’t even exist. Maybe he even shoots you with a new text saying “Heyyyyyy”. This guy tries to start a line of good communication with you, only to snip it when things seem to be getting good. And it happens more often than not. You see where this is going… Yeah. How he text can show if he likes you.
2. He’s there for you… just not when you actually need him.
He has all the jokes, casual conversations, and chill hangouts. He seems to be such a support. That is, until you actually try to lean on him and instead you end up collapsing on the ground. Why did you collapse? Oh, that’s right, because he isn’t there. This guy seems to be around, BUT, if you’re dealing with a stressful situation, or a serious event, or anything minorly negative on your part, he’s distant and unhelpful. It seems that he just isn’t sure if he wants to commit to you on that level because being supportive seems like a boyfriend-role when he knows you’re interested in him. The guy is not going to step up to the plate if he isn’t sure he wants to be team-boyfriend. No home runs here.
3. He’s hot and cold in how he communicates.
You’re hot then you’re cold, you’re yes then you’re no. There are definitely some mighty words of truth in that Katy Perry song. There’s only one thing in this world that should alternate between hot and cold, and that’s your thermostat. Feelings are not quite there. When a guy is confused about his feelings, his whole persona will follow that confused rhythm. There could be one day when you hangout and it seems to be a dream come true, the best chill session you could have asked for, and he’s really opening up. Then, suddenly, he’s speaking to you like that awkward person you ran into at the mall who you haven’t seen since elementary school. It’s not that he is being fake, per se, it’s honestly that his mind is jumping from one feeling to another. Maybe he really feels passionate about you during one day or conversation where you’re connecting. But, eventually, those doubts creep back in and he puts you back in the friend zone… or maybe even the neighbor zone. You know, that neighbor you wave to sometimes but never actually speak to. Yeah it could be like that.
4. One of his friends has a chat with you.
Modern day bros usually roam in packs, like wolves. Chances are, that he has friends. Then, one day, one of his friends sparks up a conversation with you about him. The friend might ask you about your feelings towards him. Then he throws in the kicker; hope and promises. The friend will probably say, “he has feelings for you, but he just has a lot on his mind right now.” This is a 2-part plan. 1) The friend is trying to get an idea of how YOU feel about the guy. And 2) The friend wants to make sure that you stay available for him, even if he isn’t sure that he wants to be available for you. While this can definitely be a hopeful situation, it’s important to remember that everything is still up in the air for this guy and he’s just trying to use his friend to defuse this bomb and act like everything will be fine after all of this.
5. He tells you one thing and does another.
Following the theme of the flip-flopping confused-guy, his actions will begin to follow his back and forth talk. He may be a Casanova with his words. His words may even sweep you off your feet faster than a vacuum sweeping up dirt around your house. The guy who is unsure about his feelings for you will have some knight-in-shining-armor moments where he shows his good side. Eventually, though, you’ll realize it’s just a guy wearing tin foil, not a knight, and that his words hold little value. For instant, “You’re amazing! Any guy would be lucky to have you. What we have is so special…” blah, blah, blah. These are beautiful words and, truthfully, this guy may even believe them during some fleeting moments. But sadly, these moments are just that… moments. And when the moment passes, he has absolutely nothing to show for it. He doesn’t take you out, nor treat you like he says you’re worth being treated. Heck, he might not even see you in person at all! He truly can’t predict how he’ll feel for you from one minute to the next, so there’s no way you can rely on how he’ll act with you either.
6. He disappears faster than a magic trick.
Some guys like to turn into a magician now and then. Either they all happen to share this peculiar hobby, or they are sharing a common feeling; confusion. This disappearing trick can happen in any scenario. Maybe you’re physically in the same place and he suddenly has to bail. Or, maybe you’re on the phone with him and the call suddenly drops. Helloooo? (*cricket noise*). Sometimes this guy will appear on social media as online but when you reach out, he immediately goes offline or put the setting as offline. But when he’s back on, he’ll act like nothing has happened. Yeah, I wonder what’s going on with that. He’s probably not interested in you.
7. He’s into you in private and treats you like a bro in public.
Let’s say this confused-guy has been hanging out with you, and there were definitely He’s affectionate, touchy-feely, super caring around you in private settings. But when you find yourself in a public spot with him and he’s becomes a confused-bro? Suddenly he is high-fiving you and treating you more like a bro. Did he just call you dude? Yep, he just called you dude. And he also included a fist-bump with you. The PDA isn’t present in the public setting because the guy reserves this for his exclusive love interest. If you can’t do math, I’m sorry, but that means the exclusive love interest isn’t you.
8. He’s vague (but only about the two of you together).
To know this, you’ll need to compare his behavior with you to how he behaves in his day-to-day life. Is this guy lost in the limbo of life? No steady plans, changing his hobbies and ideas every day? If so, he might be confused or he might just be a spontaneous, all-over-the-place type of guy who changes his mind more than a newborn changes diaper. Now, on the other hand, is he crushing his personal goals, planning his future, and accomplishing the things at hand? If so, you have a guy who is specific and motivated to succeed in the areas he finds important. Now, compare this to how he is with you. Is he specific about how he feels about you, and what he wants to do with you? Or is he vague, open-ended, and beats around the bush? If the way he is day-to-day DOES NOT match up with how he acts with you, come claim your prize because you’ve just found a guy who’s confused about his feelings for you.
9. He’s both jealous but won’t care enough.
When a guy is unsure about how he sees you, there’s a messy pile of emotions going on. We have: attraction, independence, care, distrust, longing and disconnect. This is surely going to lead to some controversial displays of affection. The confused-guy isn’t going to be happy to see you with someone else, but he also isn’t going to fight to have you for himself. If you do decide to pursue another love interest (and more power to you if you do!), this guy is going to be the first to comment on it; be it openly or passive aggressive about it. “Wow, I thought we had something special.” Or “Didn’t think that was the kind of guy you’d go for haha”. Don’t let any of these comments trap you. Even if he cares, he doesn’t care enough to change any of the circumstances. Whether if you have feelings for someone else or not, he’s still going to behave exactly the same as he is before because he doesn’t know what he wants still. If he did, he’ll do whatever it takes to win you and all of these won’t happen in the first place. He’s jealous but then he’s not…
10. He likes being with you… when he only needs you.
Does he share insecurities or worries with you? Does he ask for a favor when he’s in trouble? In a normal relationship, this is a great thing to do. It’s called opening up to and trusting people. But… hold on a minute. Are you in a normal relationship? Nope, didn’t think so. You are not even dating. In fact, he hasn’t even made it clear that he WANTS to date you, because he has no idea what he wants. But that won’t stop the confused-guy from using your kindness in the moments he needs it most. So, before you go changing your plans to be a shoulder to cry on, just think, are his shoulders always available for you too?
Overall, when a guy is confused about his feelings for you, he simply doesn’t trust his own feelings. Sadly, because of this, you can’t truly trust him. He’s going to go back and forth more than a seesaw. While there’s a chance that he will one day see the light and realize that he wants to fully commit to you, you aren’t doing yourself a favor by waiting it out to see what happens. You don’t always want to be the backup choice. Do you really want a guy who doesn’t know if he wants you or not? You deserve someone who will happily fall head over heels with you and reciprocate all of the affection that you give. So, if he’s showing a majority of these signals, maybe consider giving him some space and start letting him miss you. There are billions of people in this world, and if this guy thinks you’re going to sit around waiting for him because you have no other options, he is sadly mistaken!