I’m sure we have all met that one person who is single and ready to mingle. On the other hand, we may have also met their opposite counterpart; the person who is single and terrified of commitment. It’s important to note that both of these groups of people could be, honestly, afraid of being in a relationship. If you see love as all-good, you may ask, “why are people afraid to be in a relationship?” To put it simply, relationships aren’t all rainbows and fairy dust. There are some darker spaces to navigate in the love-world, so let’s see these 8 reasons why are people afraid to be in a relationship.
1. Relationships make them vulnerable.
In order to successfully have a relationship, you must be open to becoming vulnerable. You should share the deepest and most intimate parts of yourself with your partner. This includes your insecurities, your fears, and your good qualities as much as your bad. Feeling vulnerable kind of feels like you’re an ant, and your partner is a giant person. They have the power to squash you or to protect you. It’s kind of a weird comparison, but, basically, some people would rather be alone than be vulnerable, so they avoid relationships altogether.
Check out: What do you do when you get into a relationship
2. They are reminded of past hurts.
So, why do people avoid vulnerability? Simple; because they’ve experienced hurt before. This could be hurt by them, or to them. Maybe once they hurt someone they cared for, and they just can’t live with that guilt. Or, even more common, maybe they were hurt by someone else and they absolutely cannot risk being put in that position again.
3. It stirs up internal fears.
A big part of relationships is that it makes you reevaluate many parts of your life. This brings some doubt into play. People who are afraid to be in a relationship may think that they aren’t good enough for someone else. This could come from anything from childhood to personal self-esteem issues, but the possibility of internal fears is real, and it’s going to impact how they see themselves in relationships… or out of them.
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4. They have baggage from past relationships.
Another reason someone may be hesitant about dating again is because of a big fat baggage. A big example is a habit they picked up in their last relationship. If their last ex was a jealous nutcase, they may project that onto any future partner they have. Or, in a contrary case, maybe their ex was sneaky and disloyal, causing them to have their trust broken repeatedly. As a natural response, this person may not trust easily anymore, causing them to really criticize any future potential relationships.
5. Relationships require compromise.
If you’re dealing with an independent person, we may find the reason they avoid relationships to be just that; their independence. Relationships require compromise. You can’t go out 5 nights a week or make every decision around you anymore. You need to consider another person and change your life accordingly to fit them in. If a person has a busy life that they are truly enjoying without a partner, it will be hard for them to want to adapt it to include a new person. Unless they really want it to make it work.
Check out: How to fix an unhealthy relationship
6. They are afraid of rejection.
As cool as this person may be, or pretend to be, starting a relationship always runs the risk of rejection. One of the two people involved is usually the one to bring up the ever-feared “What are we?” conversation, which puts the other person into a bit of a powerful position. A person who is afraid of starting a relationship may also be afraid of being the less powerful, rejected person in the combo.
7. They are afraid of limiting their options.
This one kind of hurts, but it’s true. A person may be afraid of starting a relationship because they aren’t sure that the other person will live up to their standards. In a healthy relationship, you no longer entertain other people because you’re taken. This person has a fear that they may be settling for less than they can find elsewhere, so they simply won’t settle down to avoid settling. If that makes any sense.
8. They are afraid of change.
Relationships bring a lot of change, and it could be for better or for worse. No matter which way you go, your life needs adjustments when you’re in a relationship. You have new responsibilities and accountability to another person – other than your parents or boss – and you’ll have to juggle more things at once. This is a change from any lifestyle, and some people simply prefer to stay in their comfort zone. And because of this, it could be the reason why some people are afraid to be in a relationship.
Related: Why it’s great to be single
Conclusion:
While these are the main reasons people are afraid of being in a relationship, the one thing in common with all reasons is that the person simply isn’t ready. There are usually two routes that these people take. They either avoid any type of connection altogether and stay isolated, OR they take the more devious route. You know the one, where they lead a guy or a girl on for weeks until ultimately breaking their heart because “I’m just not ready for a relationship right now.” Yeah, those people. They’ve got their own doubts and beliefs to deal with, and it isn’t any other person’s job to convince them otherwise. So, steer clear of them for now and it’ll avoid all the headaches.