There are few things in the world more confusing than when someone is super into you one day and suddenly MIA the next. You may be asking yourself, “Why is she acting distant all of a sudden?” The truth is that many things could be going on, some of them involving you and others completely unrelated to your relationship or friendship. Today I’m diving into six different reasons she may be acting distant all of a sudden, and how you can approach each of them to reconnect the right way.
1. She’s tired of always initiating the conversation.
You may have been enjoying her company and conversation for quite a while without realizing that she was the one initiating most of those points of contact. It’s easy to not realize what you’ve got going until it’s gone, and you can double check this by going back into your message thread and seeing how many times she initiated the conversation over the last 10 chats. If the number is very unbalanced and leaning towards her initiation, she likely got tired of always starting the conversation or emotion between the two of you. If you preferred to skim the surface while she tried in vain to breach deep topics when you two hung out, the same situation could be happening.
The truth is that any friendship or relationship is not a 50-50 split, it’s 100-100 on both sides; although on some days, one person may have to give 200% because the other person is running on empty and vice versa. These instances should be evenly split and few and far between. If they’re not, there is only so long a person can uphold a relationship until they run out of the energy and desire to do so. If this is her case, you’re going to need to put in that 200% to get her back. Start by reaching out and apologizing if you did anything wrong, and then put in the effort and ask her to hang out somewhere she would enjoy. You should take charge of all the planning on this one.
Check out: 5 Best ways to start a conversation with a girl
2. There’s an elephant in the room.
A girl may suddenly put some distance between the two of you if she’s putting distance between herself and the elephant in the room. Maybe you two had a big disagreement recently, she found out some information she wasn’t pleased with, or you reached a road bump in the relationship that you kind of brushed under the rug and didn’t deal with. These problems don’t just disappear but keep growing until they no longer fit under the rug and become the elephant in the room. If she’s got a non-confrontational personality, chances are that she won’t bring up the issue or try to fix it head-on by herself. Or maybe she did try, but you shrugged it off or didn’t feel like talking about it, which is a big boo-boo. Whatever the case may be, this girl needs you to step up and get rid of the elephant or you’ll end up living with it by yourself.
Dealing with problems like these, especially in a social setting, is hard. It will take some reflection and guts to get through the discomfort, but once you’ve got those two things, let her know that you want to resolve it. She may come back tentatively, but her return is a success in itself.
3. She’s dealing with stress or anxiety.
When someone is overwhelmed psychologically, they typically go into fight or flight mode. When it comes to a relationship, this doesn’t mean she’s actually going to fight you or run away, but there are emotional equivalents. If she goes into fight mode, then she’ll probably do all she can to overcome the stress or anxiety, and still keep you in the loop, which means you wouldn’t be watching this video. She may also become more confrontational with you, which still isn’t distancing in any way.
On the other hand, if she goes into flight mode instead, she’s going to start distancing herself from you as she deals with the personal things she has going on. This isn’t to say that she doesn’t want to see you or be with you, but first she needs to clear up the issues at hand before she can dedicate herself to you. Your best bet here is to tell her that you are here for her and offer to support her in any way you can. You could also give her some of the 20 words of affirmation for her that we put up in another video. Whether or not she accepts your attempts isn’t personal, so give her space if she so desires.
4. She has a fear of commitment.
We’ve all heard of people who can’t commit to relationships, but where does this feeling really come from? One of my good friends, who shall not be named, is one who runs away when guys get too close. I know that that comes from her past negative experiences with people she loved, plus insecurities that she’s afraid to share. Other fierce ladies may fear losing their independence or opening up, and others may be uncertain about their future altogether. It’s important to remember that fear of commitment is a common experience for many people, and it’s not necessarily a sign of weakness or a flaw in her character. To overcome it, you have to be supportive and persistent, and she will need to self-reflect and try to work through it on her own accord as well.
5. She’s giving up on the relationship.
Distancing oneself is a potential sign that someone may be giving up on a relationship. Maybe she gave it her all and can’t anymore or maybe she just doesn’t know how to give you what you need. I remember giving up on one of my relationships in the past and distancing myself as a result. I also showed disinterest in spending excessive amounts of time together and decreased affection, which are two other actions that go alongside this sign. You may also notice that she’s more critical or negative in your conversations or towards you in general.
Some people will start to distance themselves once they’re 100% sure that the relationship isn’t for them but before they have the guts to end it. Others will do so as they begin to doubt the relationship but still have the opportunity for reconciliation. If you’re lucky enough to be in the second group, it’s your turn to make things right. She’s giving up for a reason, so find out what she was lacking in the relationship and, if you can, give it to her honestly and genuinely.
Check out: 10 Signs you’re not meant to be in a relationship
6. Someone else has got her attention.
Ok, I saved the roughest situation for last, but it isn’t always the most common, so take it with a grain of salt. If this girl was with you fairly often in a romantic way but suddenly is super busy and going out with who knows who, someone else may have her attention. My friend caught his ex cheating when she was suddenly putting a ton of effort into her appearance but rarely seeing him at the same time. Combine that with her secrecy and gaslighting, and he quickly found out that she was distancing herself to get closer to someone else. It’s hard to figure this one out without being accusatory or jealous, so you’ll have to play your cards right. Be patient and really look into the details. Try open communication, and if she refuses to cooperate, tell her you two need to talk and hash things out or else you’ll have to move on.
Conclusion:
When a girl suddenly starts to act distant, you are left confused, surprised, and alone – an unfortunate trio. The best way to find out the reason why is to try and communicate with her, but unfortunately, we aren’t all the best at talking about how we feel and why. No matter what happens, the only thing you can do is try to reconcile, and if it doesn’t work, at least you gave it your best shot and have that wonderful quality to bring into your next relationship.